I’m not sure that I would have watched every single episode, if House M.D. had been House, N.D., an ingenious and antisocial Naturopath. Can you imagine Doc Martin as a PhD psychologist who helps his patients with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? In Offspring, Nina Proudman is an obstetrician, not a dietitian, and Grey’s Applied Neuroscience probably wouldn’t have run for ten seasons like Grey’s Anatomy.
We are fascinated by Medicine. How amazing is it when cardiac surgeons give a dying person a new heart and the recipient eventually runs the London Marathon? How impressive is the fact that hardly anyone in the developed world dies of Smallpox, Diphtheria, Typhoid Fever or the Plague anymore? And E.R. scenes of resuscitation are true nail-biters? Medicine is ace!
Sure, modern Medicine is also the third leading cause of death in the U.S., but come on: shit happens. At least, pharmaceutical Medicine has something to offer for everything that bothers us; and you can’t say that about many therapies. There is no effective Malaria Meditation on CD, no Hypnotherapy can replace insulin for Type-1 Diabetics and Acupuncture for resuscitation is probably less of a nail-biter. We want real Medicine!
Medicine not only saves our lives, it also has the cure for Chronic Pain, Headache Disorders, Depression and Anxiety, Bipolar and Panic Disorder, Memory and Attention issues, PTSD and OCD, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and many other Functional Disorders, right? No? Why not? Can’t they just do a bit of research and come up with a convenient drug that makes everything okay?
Well, here is the thing: An antibiotic that kills Headache Germs would be a dream for millions, but there is none. A vaccination that makes people smart, fair, kind and happy would be a blockbuster and yet, there is none. And wouldn’t we embrace a nerve stimulator that makes us speak foreign languages? Sadly, there is none. Why not? Because language, mood regulation, behavioural choices and the processing of sensory information are functions of the brain and depend on localised electrical activity, an impossible target for medications or surgeries.
And so we have to learn Spanish at a language school, read books to become smarter, meditate for fairness and kindness, become socially engaged for fulfilment and happiness, and do Neurotherapy for Headache, Mood, Pain and other Functional Brain Disorders. ¿Comprendes?